6 Reasons Why I'm Not Okay With Toy Guns

A couple months ago when we were on a long road trip through Northern Philippines, Darnell and I were shocked and saddened by the many children we saw on the streets playing with toy guns (or sticks as guns). We even saw a young boy line his friends up and start “firing.” We’ve also seen at least five different children in the last few months bring toy guns to the playground in our apartment complex. We are sad to see our boys exposed to so much violent play. Everyday we see young children, even toddlers, playing shooting, fighting and killing games on ipads and smart phones. I feel like monitoring my boys at the playground has shifted from making sure they don’t fall off the monkey bars to keeping them away from other kids’ toy guns and war video games.

Photo taken at Pinto Art Gallery. Painting by Filipino artist, Neil Manalo.

I know kids play violently in Canada too, but I also know that if we were back at home, my boys would not have been exposed to it nearly this much. It is not socially acceptable to bring toy guns to playgrounds at home and many cities and municipalities even have bylaws banning toy guns from public spaces. This is certainly not the case in the Philippines. Real guns here are also very common- we walk by police officers holding their big rifles with their hand on the trigger everyday. The cops smile and laugh and chat in their friendly Filipino way, with a big gun in their hand. We even saw someone buy a real gun last month at the market. The stand had toy guns, but we saw a quick sneaky transaction take place, right in front of us, with a young man pocketing a real gun and walking away with it. Growing up in Canada where gun laws are strict, I feel so uncomfortable around so many guns.

So why am I not okay with kids playing with violent toys or video games? Perhaps many parents will disagree with me, but I just want to offer my personal views.

1. I want my kids to show love. We teach them everyday how to act in a way that is loving. Even if someone hurt them and they are angry, we still need to respond in love. As followers of Jesus, we want to follow His way- a radical, third option way where we don’t respond to hate with hate or violence with violence, nor are we passive, but we actively show love and find creative ways to end cycles of violence. When kids play with guns, they are pretending to shoot, hurt and kill. This type of play does not help them to act in love to all people. 
2. I want my kids to practice forgiveness. Not only do we teach our kids to say sorry for hurt they cause others, but we also teach them to forgive others who have hurt them. This means not seeking revenge or holding onto bitterness, but choosing to embrace the person who hurt you and showing them a Jesus-type of love, which overcomes evil. Violent play is about having more power over another person but Jesus' way of forgiveness teaches us to seek reconciliation and serve the wrong-doer. 
3. War is not a game. When I taught High School in Canada, many of my students played Call of Duty, and other killing games. They became desensitized to the violence and didn’t see it as reality. For me, the reality of war is vivid. We've lived in Mindanao and have seen, firsthand, the effects of war- children born in IDP (Internally Displaced People) camps, families without homes, brothers and dads killed in battle and even children tragically killed but "justified" as collateral damage.  We’ve been a couple kilometres from armed conflict and driven by endless tanks and under countless helicopters. We’ve seen the smoke of the bombs in the distance. Its brutally real to us and isn’t something we'd want to “make-believe” for fun. 
4. My grandfather is a WWII veteran and a pacifist. He was a Captain in the German Army and fought on all the major fronts, killing many and commanding others to kill many. If you hear his story or read his book, it easily becomes difficult to be okay with war as a game. The reality for him was nothing short of hell. My grandfather reflected on his participation in war in the years following WWII and found forgiveness at the foot of the cross. His choice to follow Jesus’ way of peace and share his horrific stories about the realities of war has had a huge impact on my life and many others. How can I let my kids pretend to shoot when my biggest role model lived the realities of war? It’s not a game I want to re-enact. 
5. Kids can be violent. We all have violent tendencies and my young boys certainly have a tendency to act out in violence when they are angry. But using violence to solve problems doesn’t solve problems but only contributes to a cycle of violence. Violence begets more violence. If I don’t want my kids hit when they are mad at someone, then I don’t want them to “pretend” that way either. The natural tendencies to act in violence should not be encouraged, but we should try to foster a culture of peace and teach our children how to respond in love.
6. There are no “good guys” and “bad guys.” Playing with guns or violent video games always seems to come with a “good guy” versus “bad guy” type of play, supporting a myth that I certainly don’t believe. This is a common, long-held idea that the United States (and other countries) has often successfully perpetrated, leading many to believe that the US Army is the global “good guy” fighting the “bad guys” to protect their “freedom and democracy.” Honestly, I think that’s a load of crap. The main motive to fight a war seems to be all about economic gains (read “Shock Doctrine” by Naomi Klein) and the United States is no more the “good guy” than the countries they invade. On an individual scale, I believe all people are born with the ability to act out of love or act out of hate and as much as possible, we all need to choose to love. Our actions might be “good” or “bad” but concluding that a human being is “good” or “bad” dehumanizes them. I don’t want “good guy” vs. “bad guy” play to affect my kids' perception of the world. I want them to see the “good” in everyone and show love even to those who are acting “bad.”

Living cross-culturally is often difficult. While we love the Philippines and the beautiful people that make up this culture, as followers of Jesus, we also want to (respectfully) foster a new culture- a culture of peace. We want to do this in Canada too, and globally. Often the way of Jesus goes against cultural norms, and that can be unsettling and uncomfortable. But Jesus’ way is not always easy- it calls us to challenge the powers of this world and live an upside down way of love, where we serve even our enemies, rather than fight for power over them. I understand that playing guns won’t necessarily cause my children to use violence as they grow up, but it certainly doesn’t teach them anything about love and forgiveness. For us, teaching our kids this radical Jesus-way means teaching them to show love in all situations and not to act in violence.