Dreams for My Daughter on International Women’s Day

Monday was International Women’s Day and it caused me to reflect on the women who have impacted me, who love me and who have nurtured me. I am especially thankful for my mother and my sister. But now as a mother of a little girl, I’ve been thinking more about my dreams for my daughter.

I recently had a conversation with two close friends, both confident, assertive Filipina young women, who feel a lack of women leadership in their spheres and have a hard time thinking of a woman they respect and look up to as a leader. This saddened me deeply, as I can easily name 10 women who fit that category for me and they have immeasurably shaped me. As a girl growing up in Canada, I never felt underprivileged or that my opportunities were limited because of being female. But these two strong Filipina women have often felt that, and it brings me to tears, even as I write this.

What saddens me the most is that it has often been the church that causes women to feel inferior. Only once, when Darnell and I were newly married and attending a mega church in our hometown, did I feel ostracized as a woman (long story!), and we left that church, ironically moving to a church with a female lead pastor, who I respect deeply. I’m thankful to be part of a denomination (Mennonite Church Canada) that welcomes, whole-heartedly, women as lead pastors and at every other level of leadership. I won’t go into the theology of women in leadership here, but I believe with all my heart that it is God’s intention for women to be treated equally, given equal opportunity and not, in any way, be inferior to men.

So this International Women’s Day I have many dreams for my daughter. Here are five of them:

 1. I hope my daughter will have a deep sense of self worth and confidence and never feel inferior to men. I hope she will always be able to stand up for herself and her beliefs, even if it means confronting men in leadership.

2. I hope my daughter will not feel limited in finding a profession, but have every opportunity to be a CEO, a Principal, a Pastor, a Stay At Home Mother, or whatever else she might dream of.

3. I hope my daughter will never feel taken advantage of and will never rely on beauty or charm to get what she wants.

4. I hope my daughter will have female role models who she can look up to. I hope I can always be an example of a strong and sensitive woman to her.

5. I hope she will have healthy relationships with her brothers, her father, her possible future partner, and other men in her life, where she is treated equally. I hope she learns from her father and I, who are equal partners in our marriage.

As a mother of a daughter now, my womanhood has brought on new meaning. I am, and will be for quite a while, the single most important role model in my daughter’s life. I don’t take this role lightly and it involves, too, teaching my boys how to treat girls (some good tips here: http://www.scarymommy.com/raising-feminist-boys/).

My dreams for my daughter are vast, and I pray, with the support of her brothers, her father, her extended family, her friends, and myself that she will be a confident, determined, strong, sensitive and loving woman with endless choice and opportunity. I pray the same for every woman all over the world.

Grieving, Gathering and Going

Sometimes it all feels a little overwhelming. Last night at our weekly PeaceChurch gathering, I shared to our community that it can be so exhausting to care so much. It would be easier to be apathetic. 10 days ago, in a special operation to find one of the FBIs most wanted terrorists, a Malaysian man known as Marwan, there were 69 pointless deaths. I mourn for the 44 Philippine National Police Officers, 18 Moro Islamic Liberation Front fighters and 7 civilians. I mourn especially for the five year old boy and his father who were killed in the fighting during morning prayers at their mosque. Why, Lord? Why?

The corruption, violence and natural disasters in the Philippines grieve us deeply. We pray, we share our hearts, we strategize, we serve the oppressed and poor, we teach peace...... and we rely on Jesus to carry us through the dark times. 

I feel the need, more than ever, to focus on GOOD, to share stories of how God is at work and to remain positive, trusting in Jesus. I feel deeply thankful for the work of PeaceChurch and the many ways our community is working towards peace in this land. I am excited about the Philippines Anabaptist Network and the Peace and Reconciliation training that is really taking off. I am thankful for PeaceChurch's involvement in building Earthbag houses and the safety and comfort it is bringing to families in need. I'm grateful for our community and how God is transforming hearts and minds to live out Jesus' radical call for us all. 

And more than anything, I'm thankful for the three little ones that fill up most of my time these days.

Darnell and I feel infinitely blessed by their chatter, laughter, questions and comedy. Our little lady is 5 months old today! Her first tooth just poked through, she's sitting for a few seconds at a time, rolling everywhere, smiling/giggling always, and getting up on her hands and knees with such determination. The boys continue to entertain us with their imaginative play, silly stories and songs and dances. They are just a hoot and I love hanging out with them :)

Amidst our work here and Darnell being very busy with various events and involvements, we are also looking forward and making plans for this summer. Our flights are booked and in three months time we'll be home!! We'll be staying for 4 months this time for North American Ministry. In May we'll be preaching and sharing in BC, June we head to Alberta for a couple weeks and in July we're in Manitoba and then Darnell flies to Pennsylvania for the Mennonite World Conference. August is holiday time. We are very much looking forward to this time in Canada; a break from our work here to connect with our friends, family and supporters and to rejuvenate and reenergize as we gear up to serve for another 3 year term. In the next three months we will be packing up our apartment and putting our belongings in storage.... pray for us as we discern where to live when we return to Manila in September. 

So there is a lot going on now and a lot to process. But in the middle of feeling overwhelmed by the senseless deaths and ridiculous corruption here, we gather as community. As I shared my heart last night with our PeaceChurch community, my struggles and exhaustion, I felt safe and not alone. As we read about Jesus' radical call to love and to learn from even our so-called enemies, I felt energized by the Spirit to keep living out Jesus' radical call to love all people and work for peace.

Our Revolving Door and Why We Love It

My friends and family often comment on the amount of guests we have coming through our doors. I often hear, "How do you do it?" So I've been reflecting on it lately and asking myself this same question. How do I do it? Why does it always seem like so much work to everyone outside of our house but yet I don't feel overwhelmed by it? Since Teyah was born, less than 3 months ago, we've had a friend/intern from France stay for a week, a friend from Abbotsford stay for a week, my parents stayed for 2 weeks, and PeaceChurch friends (Fread, Reg, Kathleen) staying countless nights in between or even at the same time as other guests (luckily we have a comfy couch!). And this only includes night guests..... PeaceChurch gathers in our home every Wednesday and one Saturday a month and all kinds of friends are visiting throughout the week on top of that. Sounds tiring, right? But you know what.... it's not! Here's why....

1. Our friends are helpful. Its often actually less work to have friends over because they entertain the kids, do dishes and clean up after themselves. We may not have a dishwasher, but we have countless "dishwashers" who love us and enjoy helping out.  After a PeaceChurch gathering there are always volunteers to clean up, or else they just play the Filipino version of "rock paper scissors" and the job gets done :)

2. I'm an extrovert. Actually, our whole family is. We're not the kind of people who need a lot of quiet  time by ourselves and for the most part, we are energized being around friends. The boys absolutely love the many friends who fill our home and Teyah is already full of smiles for any face that greets her.

3. We make family time a priority. While we often have an extra "family member" with us, we also carve out time to be just the 5 of us and always make it special. We love to have extra guests, but sometimes it is important to be just "us" and we make sure that happens one night a week and we do something fun on the weekend too.

4. Sometimes I do say no. I have also learned that when I/we need our space, its okay to say no to guests. I never used to feel capable of doing this, but since trying out the "no, sorry" to guests a couple times now, I have felt confident in my decision and guess what? People respect it and we haven't lost any friends :) And sometimes just going to my room to nurse Teyah when the house is full gives me the rest I need by myself.

5. Sam is amazing. Ever since Teyah was born, our dear friend and helper, Sam, started working 4 days a week for us (used to be 2 days) and let me tell you, it is wonderful. The cooking, baking (I've taught her well!) cleaning and childcare she fills her days here with is a lifesaver. Because of her, I can host without breaking my back, spend more quality time with the kids, go on dates with Darnell, have some time to myself (like right now I'm writing this in a coffee shop with Teyah sleeping in her stroller beside me and the boys are at home baking cookies with her) and have a clean house. We are incredibly thankful for her.

5. Its what we're called to. Darnell and I (and the kids) are church planters. We have the personality for this, the calling from God for this, and the heart for this. So we open our home, again and again, to the variety of people who we call family. And we do it with arms open wide, embracing these people in the love Christ shows us with hearts full of thankfulness for the ability to extend our home, our food and our joy to those we meet.

So there it is..... why we love it and why we do it. It feels good to reflect on this and it renews my heart and energy to give, serve, and bake cookies for friends who call our house a second home..... you are welcome to visit anytime :)