Grieving, Gathering and Going

Sometimes it all feels a little overwhelming. Last night at our weekly PeaceChurch gathering, I shared to our community that it can be so exhausting to care so much. It would be easier to be apathetic. 10 days ago, in a special operation to find one of the FBIs most wanted terrorists, a Malaysian man known as Marwan, there were 69 pointless deaths. I mourn for the 44 Philippine National Police Officers, 18 Moro Islamic Liberation Front fighters and 7 civilians. I mourn especially for the five year old boy and his father who were killed in the fighting during morning prayers at their mosque. Why, Lord? Why?

The corruption, violence and natural disasters in the Philippines grieve us deeply. We pray, we share our hearts, we strategize, we serve the oppressed and poor, we teach peace...... and we rely on Jesus to carry us through the dark times. 

I feel the need, more than ever, to focus on GOOD, to share stories of how God is at work and to remain positive, trusting in Jesus. I feel deeply thankful for the work of PeaceChurch and the many ways our community is working towards peace in this land. I am excited about the Philippines Anabaptist Network and the Peace and Reconciliation training that is really taking off. I am thankful for PeaceChurch's involvement in building Earthbag houses and the safety and comfort it is bringing to families in need. I'm grateful for our community and how God is transforming hearts and minds to live out Jesus' radical call for us all. 

And more than anything, I'm thankful for the three little ones that fill up most of my time these days.

Darnell and I feel infinitely blessed by their chatter, laughter, questions and comedy. Our little lady is 5 months old today! Her first tooth just poked through, she's sitting for a few seconds at a time, rolling everywhere, smiling/giggling always, and getting up on her hands and knees with such determination. The boys continue to entertain us with their imaginative play, silly stories and songs and dances. They are just a hoot and I love hanging out with them :)

Amidst our work here and Darnell being very busy with various events and involvements, we are also looking forward and making plans for this summer. Our flights are booked and in three months time we'll be home!! We'll be staying for 4 months this time for North American Ministry. In May we'll be preaching and sharing in BC, June we head to Alberta for a couple weeks and in July we're in Manitoba and then Darnell flies to Pennsylvania for the Mennonite World Conference. August is holiday time. We are very much looking forward to this time in Canada; a break from our work here to connect with our friends, family and supporters and to rejuvenate and reenergize as we gear up to serve for another 3 year term. In the next three months we will be packing up our apartment and putting our belongings in storage.... pray for us as we discern where to live when we return to Manila in September. 

So there is a lot going on now and a lot to process. But in the middle of feeling overwhelmed by the senseless deaths and ridiculous corruption here, we gather as community. As I shared my heart last night with our PeaceChurch community, my struggles and exhaustion, I felt safe and not alone. As we read about Jesus' radical call to love and to learn from even our so-called enemies, I felt energized by the Spirit to keep living out Jesus' radical call to love all people and work for peace.

Our Revolving Door and Why We Love It

My friends and family often comment on the amount of guests we have coming through our doors. I often hear, "How do you do it?" So I've been reflecting on it lately and asking myself this same question. How do I do it? Why does it always seem like so much work to everyone outside of our house but yet I don't feel overwhelmed by it? Since Teyah was born, less than 3 months ago, we've had a friend/intern from France stay for a week, a friend from Abbotsford stay for a week, my parents stayed for 2 weeks, and PeaceChurch friends (Fread, Reg, Kathleen) staying countless nights in between or even at the same time as other guests (luckily we have a comfy couch!). And this only includes night guests..... PeaceChurch gathers in our home every Wednesday and one Saturday a month and all kinds of friends are visiting throughout the week on top of that. Sounds tiring, right? But you know what.... it's not! Here's why....

1. Our friends are helpful. Its often actually less work to have friends over because they entertain the kids, do dishes and clean up after themselves. We may not have a dishwasher, but we have countless "dishwashers" who love us and enjoy helping out.  After a PeaceChurch gathering there are always volunteers to clean up, or else they just play the Filipino version of "rock paper scissors" and the job gets done :)

2. I'm an extrovert. Actually, our whole family is. We're not the kind of people who need a lot of quiet  time by ourselves and for the most part, we are energized being around friends. The boys absolutely love the many friends who fill our home and Teyah is already full of smiles for any face that greets her.

3. We make family time a priority. While we often have an extra "family member" with us, we also carve out time to be just the 5 of us and always make it special. We love to have extra guests, but sometimes it is important to be just "us" and we make sure that happens one night a week and we do something fun on the weekend too.

4. Sometimes I do say no. I have also learned that when I/we need our space, its okay to say no to guests. I never used to feel capable of doing this, but since trying out the "no, sorry" to guests a couple times now, I have felt confident in my decision and guess what? People respect it and we haven't lost any friends :) And sometimes just going to my room to nurse Teyah when the house is full gives me the rest I need by myself.

5. Sam is amazing. Ever since Teyah was born, our dear friend and helper, Sam, started working 4 days a week for us (used to be 2 days) and let me tell you, it is wonderful. The cooking, baking (I've taught her well!) cleaning and childcare she fills her days here with is a lifesaver. Because of her, I can host without breaking my back, spend more quality time with the kids, go on dates with Darnell, have some time to myself (like right now I'm writing this in a coffee shop with Teyah sleeping in her stroller beside me and the boys are at home baking cookies with her) and have a clean house. We are incredibly thankful for her.

5. Its what we're called to. Darnell and I (and the kids) are church planters. We have the personality for this, the calling from God for this, and the heart for this. So we open our home, again and again, to the variety of people who we call family. And we do it with arms open wide, embracing these people in the love Christ shows us with hearts full of thankfulness for the ability to extend our home, our food and our joy to those we meet.

So there it is..... why we love it and why we do it. It feels good to reflect on this and it renews my heart and energy to give, serve, and bake cookies for friends who call our house a second home..... you are welcome to visit anytime :)

Teyah Malaya Barkman

On September 5th, 2014, we welcomed our little girl, Teyah, into our family. At 9lbs 14oz, our chubby-cheeked blessing arrived early in the morning, the day after her due date.

I had worried about what I'd do if I was by myself with the kids and Darnell were on the other side of the city (quite easily a 2+ hour commute!) when I went into labour, but of course, we were in bed and our dear friend Reg was sleeping in the spare room so we didn't even have to call for our helper, Sam, to come in the middle of the night and we weren't faced with an hour of traffic either. Sometimes things just work out right :)

I had contractions for most the night but didn't wake Darnell until 3:30am and we left the house soon after. Teyah was born at 7:22am so despite being only 5cm dilated when we arrived at the hospital, she came pretty quick. This was my first delivery with an epidural/anesthesia so it was completely different. Makai's delivery was so painful that I had nightmares about it after. This time I decided to go the pain-free route and while it was kind of surreal to push a baby out without screaming, crying and sweating, it was sure nice to skip the pain! I had delivered 2 babies with no drugs and had nothing to prove anymore :) Darnell was sitting there kind of dumb-stuck when I calmly told him that I was having another contraction and felt like I had to push. What a different experience!

Teyah has been a wonderful baby so far and is doing really well. She feeds really quickly and is already going longer stretches between feeds at night. She's recently started the evening fussies so we've been rocking a little screamer after the boys go to bed and going to bed ourselves a little later than we'd like. But it has really been a good transition into three kids and the boys have been great. Cody loves holding her or lying down beside her and letting her "kick" him. Makai is also very gentle with her- yesterday I found him talking to her sweetly while driving his cars around her and piling them up at her feet. I am so thankful that the boys play well together (for the most part!) and at this stage, Teyah just sleeps a lot so she gives me lots of time to still be with her brothers.

I should tell you all about her name too. Her first name is after my Oma's best friend who looked after my Dad in Germany when he was small. Her name was Dorothea, but in German its pronounced Do-ro-tey-ah and she was called Tante Thea ("Tante" is German for Aunt). Darnell's grandmother (his Mom's mom) was also named Dorothea. I have always liked the name Teyah and we knew we would use it for a girl even before Cody was born. But we also wanted it to be spelt phoneitcally and not be pronounced with a "th" so the spelling is original. We couldn't decide on a middle name until a few weeks before Teyah's birth when we were asking our friend Reg about meaningful Tagalog words that would sound good as a middle name. Words like faith, hope or peace certainly didn't sound right.... pananampalataya, umaasa, kapayapaan.... not quite what we're looking for :) I asked Reg, "What about Malaya? What does that mean?" She told us that Malaya (pronounced Ma-lie-a) means free or liberation and is a deep Tagalog word. We thought it was perfect.... sounds pretty and has a good meaning! So that's the story of Teyah's name.

Thank you all for the love and prayers sent our way during this last month. We are so thankful for our family and friends both near and far.

Much love, from the five of us :)